Hello and thanks for checking out the Men Healing podcast. As you can see, I often forget about this blog as I'm more concentrated on the podcast itself, the @MenHealing Twitter feed and life as it happens.
Please check out the podcast, as it is currently up to 15 episodes and over 4,200 downloads in over 50 countries! It's so encouraging to see the great response to the podcast and the men's stories featured there.
Here are the links where you can listen and/or access the podcast from:
http://menhealing.libsyn.com/webpage
http://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/men-healing-podcast/id477162195
Please drop me a line and let me know what you think and/or if you'd like to be interviewed.
Cheers,
Jamie
Jamie, thank you so much for creating your podcasts. I've only just started listening to them last month.
ReplyDeleteI am a 52 year old Canadian man who endured physical, emotional, and sexual abuse as a small child from my mother and father and older brother. The emotional humiliation and physical abuse is etched clearly into my mind (and body) but other huge swathes of my childhood and family life are erased from my conscious mind. The welts, cuts, and physical pains were the only tangible ones. I walked around in a fantasy world like a zombie with my emotions disconnected. I wonder if the pain of sexual abuse got lumped into the awareness of "being beaten up" when I was barely old enough to realize it. I know I had intense hatred towards both my parents and brother from my earliest memories that was mixed with love and desire to be loved. They drank significantly but alcohol was not the essential ingredient to the formula. Just another catalyst.
I have spent most of my life trying to understand why I still hold such rage and shame. My siblings have similar or worse outcomes altho I only speak to my sister about the abuse we suffered.
I discovered an ACOA group at 40 that helped me to an extent. It was enlightening even though I dreaded what felt like crawling into a dark damp cave each weekly session. There were few men in the group and I just didn't feel like it was working for me after going to several meetings.
I got a few books by Bradshaw that really hit the name on the head but the pain of awareness again was headache inducing as well as stirring up depression.
I have found it so difficult to read them that I would get stuck on the same page unable to process and progress as I'd opened up another can of toxic worms. Thus they sit unread until I have the emotional strength to have my protective shield shattered, again.
Even watching emotional movies stir up such anger and confusion I prefer not to watch tv or films due to exposure of inflamed human interaction. Of course I cannot hide in a bubble so I've learned protective measures. My life reads out like a classics child of alcoholic/abusive parents. I have fear of people in senior positions and a myriad of other difficulties not least of which is my love life.
I've also seen therapists occasionally over the last 15 years that have helped me get on with life and deal with my family relationships and with dealing with anger issues in the workplace. Still, I search for the misplaced puzzle pieces that might make sense of my illogical childhood. I know they are locked in my brain as I have glimpses of them occasionally when I wake suddenly. I feel that when I'm sleeping at night the doors are opened and my vision is clear. If I wake too soon I'm hugely depressed and flushed with shame. If I wake slowly I can reshuffle my thoughts and get on with the day.
My point in saying all this is that I can listen to your podcasts while puttering around the house and passively absorb the messages.
The stories unfold without me having to do anything but press a button. It's so enlightening to hear the voices of men here in Canada speaking in a language I can relate too.
I really appreciate the work you've done and the gut-retching yet succinct input of your interviewees.
Looking forward to listening more and letting some sunshine in.
Thank you so much for your openness and for sharing your story. Thank you also for your kind comments about the podcast and how it has helped you. I appreciate hearing that.
DeleteYou've got a lot to struggle against, but I can sense a tone of determination and effort toward healing and that's very commendable.
Keep moving forward and reach out for help when needed. The more you talk and share, the less shame will have a hold on you.
Keep in touch,
Jamie